So the use of the “f-word” in our blog has caused quite the stir. Hmmm… I guess it’s good to know that people read our rantings, but all the same, the criticism of our language cause me great consternation. Some folks are even oposed to the words “friggin’” or “freaking.”
Here’s an example of an email I received today:
“I love your cookies. I just went out of my way to schedule my coffee break at the New Seasons nearby so I could grab some of your cookies. I am over 50. Call me stuffy, but I’d really appreciate not having the f-word on your webpage. I’m just not sure why that’s appropriate. I’m of the age and experience that I don’t even like seeing friggin’ in writing. I know what it’s a substitute for. You might want to be sensitive to that kind of thing. I really cringe when I see those words in writing, and I know you wouldn’t use those words around little kids, so I’d love to not worry about seeing them on your webpage. Thanks for listening.”
After several posts of the opposite opinion, many of which used the f-word far more than I dreamed was humanly possible (remember that page in A Series of Unfortunate Events where Lemony Snicket uses the word “ever” about 500 times? If so, you’ll grasp my point) we’ve taken the advice of our dear friend (and regular customer) Sabine, and decided to hold a contest.
Drop the F-Bomb
Send us your suggestion for replacing this word that seems to ruffle so many cormorant-like feathers. The one we deem funniest, most creative, and most apropos as a replacement will be declared the winner. The former english lit major, closet novelist or smartass winning contestant will receive a $25 gift certificate to Two Tarts, and will have the pleasure of seeing the f-bomb replaced by said word or phrase throughout our entire blog, and in all future posts. Sorry, but those of you who are offended by the words “friggin” or “freaking” will need to get a grip and relax. We’re talking cookies here, not operational policy for the securities and exchange commission. (Hmmm, come to think of it, maybe if those folks were a little more real with us, our country might not be mired in this financial mess?)
Let’s Drop the Bomb! (Or should that be ‘Da Bomb?)
Entries due by midnight of April 30, 2010.
FUBAR has always been my favorite, and commonly used in the emergency room…it stands for “fucked up beyond any recognition”…just incase you didn’t already know.
Besides it sounds so harmless you could name a cookie (a “bar” type) after it!
Oh frak!!!
Tarts and Co,
Re: F Bombing
What comes to mind, being a big fan of the late, great series (the newer version of) Battlestar Gallactica, is the F bomb version they dropped whenever possible “frack, or fracking this or that”. It even has a Porland tie in, as the renegade pilot, Starbuck, was played by Portland’s own, Katie Sackhoff.
I have to agree with the “frak!” which is so handy. But if you don’t mind typing a bit, my 4 yo daughter seems to use “holy cannolli!” a lot. Not too edgy, I know, but not bad for tarts.
o i love you guys!
my vote: futmeg or futnugget because they both sound nummy and naughty at the same time!
You should do something clever like inserting ‘Frost’ or ‘Frosting’ or something like that instead of F*%# – did you see Fantastic Mr. Fox? I adore how they use ‘Cuss’ instead of saying the word. Smart. “What the frost” that could totally catch on…
Oh Sophie. You are so frosting funny. Definitely in the running.
When all of the entries are in, should I sent all of you a Survey Monkey with the top five?
yes indeed!
Fudge. My grandma’s favorite expression when cooking;-) and appropriate for tarts!
A classic…
This is hysterical!
How about penguin nipples?
Your cookies are penguin nipplin’ good!
Dixie
I just laughed so loud that my husband heard me upstairs.
I don’t know what the foreign exchange student is wrong with these people, that they can’t handle one, little, feather-dusting word. Needless to say, my wife and I both think you have the best firetrucking cookies in town, and, in the end, that’s all that flippin’ matters.
Man, another excellent one! Now we’re rollin’.
Hey, Vincent!
Congratufiretruckin’lations, my friend! You’ve won the “Drop the F-Bomb” competition!
Get your firetruckin’ ass (oh lord, now I’m in trouble,) into the bakery and claim your prize!
xoxo
The Tarts
The F-bomb…. grew up in “The Bronx”, NY very common to use the F-bomb. Today, I choose to say “Friggin”
You guys are sooooo “Friggin” Awesome!
Oh Beekley….do you remember that time at work when I was trying to stop swearing because my 4 year old had started using the f-word appropriately so we developed the “quarter a cuss word” jar. I recall that you had to put in $2.50 in one small outburst and we were able to buy 3 people lunch after just 5 days. Glad to see things haven’t changed all that much. So…my suggestion based on my youngest and oh so wise daughter is to replace the Spongebob swear word of “Barnacles!” into the spot where the f’in word would go. As in, “what the barnacle is wrong with you people” or “That was the best barnacle’n cookie I ever ate”.
MGood! I miss you and the folks at Talley so “penguin nipplin’” much! (just trying that one on for size, folks.) I do indeed remember sizeable donations of lunch money to that jar. Some things never change, do they? (Dan likes to say I put the “ass” in “classy.”) xoxo E.
“f” word “s” word, sounds so fucking juvenile!! Just say it when you need to, cuz your cookies are fucking awesome and tasty (the “t” word)!!
I love my F’en cookies every Saturday morning, with a Big Kid coffee press, Thanks
F’en gives me an idea… how about “Fen-phen,” as in the discontinued diet pill? Then you could say that our cookies were “Fen-phen Fantastic,” thereby incorporating a really bad pun into the equation.
How about FUNICULAR … I want to use that word so badly but never really fits in conversation.
Kinda sounds like W’s nu-q-lar, doesn’t it?
Oh, funicular is such a fabulous word… almost as good as “obfuscation.” I could just make this entire blog read like legalease, so that only lawyers would know when to be offended. My lawyer likes curse words.
I say frick… as in what the frick, who the frick and where the frick did you put it? You can ing it, en it and just scream it out loud when you need to.
The woman who complained is also not wanting to see substitute words for the F word. Like friggin. So, basically you are not really doing anything about it.
Sure we are! We’re having a great time contemplating the conjugation of alternate verbiage, while at the same time letting folks know who and what we are about.
I know this is too late to matter, but I thought I’d run it past you anyway… I really enjoy the the f-bomb replacement employed by Flight of the Conchords in the following:
Shanon,
Did you already know how much we love FoTC? Oh Germaine… By the way, I am the mother-flippin’…
Say, “oh TART!!!”
Foshizzle my nizzle always works. When you utilize the term Foshizzle no one is going to understand what you’re alluding to, you might even not (I’m pretty sure I don’t understand it either.) Also, utilizing other languages could work. Ai Cobrone, Puto way. Anything of that ilk should not be so upsetting to the upstanding citizens that visit your website. No one will really understand what you’re getting at which should be calming and thought provoking.
Ha! I use the F-bomb all the time, but I will refrain, and firetruckin’ is firetruckin’ funny! Query- how much are your macarons? And where is your shop? I known I’ve seen your delish treats at the PSU farmers market, but is there an actual bakery for me to explore? Love from the burbs, ashley
So, I am sitting in Southern California desperately missing the Northwest, especially my native Portland, and decide to drop into the Two Tart website to see what’s been happening. I giggled, smiled and laughed out loud until I almost cried. I mean, bloody Gordon Ramsey has a show called the F-word for goodness sake (and it is pretty fantastic if you haven’t seen it on BBC)
That being said, this homesick Oregonian would like to throw two more alternatives into the mix…
figgin’ (I do love a good fig tart)
Feijoa (another name for a pineapple guava)
At this point I think you should actually formulate a tart or other lovely backed goodie using figs and/or feijoa and call it the “firetruckin’* sweet little tart”.
Afterall, inspiration often comes from the oddest of places and circumstance.
In 7th grade, we came up with “confukted” to write in our papers.
Couldn’t get knocked down cause it wasn’t a word.
Take that Ms. Ashbrook! (English teacher)
-Dom
Far too late for the contest, but what about:
‘Oh, fudge!’
Bonus substitute, for s#!t:
‘Oh sugar!’
Ah, just saw that one was mention already. ‘Sugar!’
My besty’s granny always used the word “sugars” in place of the word “shit” and “fluff” in place of the f-bomb. Hearing her cuss was confusing and delightful all at the same time. One of our long standing favorites:
“Oh sugars! That fluffing dog tinkled on the couch again.”
How bout “fookies” (for f*%king cookies) or “farts” (for f*%king tarts, but people might still get offended). I like “fookies”, sounds cute!!!
Oh FRIP! I am late and you have already deemed the frippin’ winner I pre(post)sume ?
Anyway, I like Frip and frippin’
It just feels satisfying…
I can hardly tell the difference between that and the real thing.
Cheers,
Robin
I just saw this whole funny conversation. I am a big fan of swearing, cussing, etc. and I like the f-word. I think it is expressive and can say a lot. I don’t like to swear at people, but at situations sometimes there is just nothing like a well placed f-word. What about ‘effing’
Had your cookies this past weekend and want more! So effing good!
Thanks for the effing wonderful conversation.
Sidni
I think swear words are the flowers of our language.
However, I am making an effort to adopt a new kid-friendly expletive…
My fav: “Ballz!” or “Oh Ballz!”
Its just fun to say. Kind of reminds me of something an old grumpy man would say and I think that is funny coming out of a young lady’s mouth.
I know the rest of your suggestions were for adjectives, but sometimes you just need an expletive.
shut the FRONT door !!!!! is a great line …
Now you absolutely need a sweet treat called the F bomb. Lol